Ten Love Lessons From Our First Year of Marriage

As we are on the cusp of being married for one full year. I must say that we learned a few things about what it takes to make this marriage thing work forever. I am thankful that during our time of dating that we were able to read a few books together about relationships. I am also thankful that during my time of being single that I did a lot of reading up on marriage because those books really helped when it came time to actually execute what we learned from those hours invested in  reading up on marriage. The lessons below are a summation of what we have collectively learned in love. Through it all our relationship has grown more than we expected. We have been tested throughout this year in every way possible and the amazing thing is that it is really only the beginning of our journey together!

The Love Lessons are as follows in no particular order:

 

1. Shut Up and Pray- I don’t know how many times we have both had to do that this year. I know that I’m a trip and ‘I be trippin’ so when I pray about what’s going on, God checks me and brings things back into perspective. It’s not always one person and sometimes I am the one to blame, but through prayer God reveals my issues and the things that I need to fix so that our relationship can continue to grow and flourish.
2. TAKE YOUR MARRIAGE VOWS SERIOUSLY- Right after saying I DO and coming back from our honeymoon life turned up!  We experienced for better or for worse for richer or for poorer in sickness and in health ALL within the first 6 months. We learned so much about each other and grew closer together with each experience. If we were just in it for the “beautiful wedding” we would not have been able to weather the storms of life and come out better for the experience.
3. Forgive Always- Along with forgiving is don’t blame each other for different things that may occur.  From the big things to the small things we try to remember that we are on the same team. The enemy loves it  when we are not on the same page and not being on the same page allows for destruction to take over.  We don’t want this so we have learned to forgive one another and not keep score.
4. Never Stop Dating- We have date nights weekly. It’s a time for us to reconnect from the day to day stresses of the week. Living in the Washington, DC area we are finding more and more to do such as visiting new restaurants, going to festivals,  exploring museums, and jogging around the monuments. We enjoy trying new things and of course people watching together. These new experiences together are a great way for us to bond and grow together as a unit.
5. Communicate Well-  One of the things that Eddie’s dad said in our wedding video is to communicate well. This year we learned what that actually means. We had to eliminate assumptions and actually ask clarifying questions to be sure that we were on the same page. We also learned that our tone and approach in how we say things was really important in ensuring that the message wasn’t lost upon delivery all because of the way that something was communicated.  
6. Sex Doesn’t Come Naturally-  So growing up in church you are always taught that sex before marriage is forbidden, and although we had our share of missteps in purity during the courting process, after finally saying I do it was hard to get this narrative of sex being forbidden out of my mind. I always felt like I was doing something wrong during the first few months of marriage. It was hard to make the shift in mindset to sex being something that can, and should be enjoyed within the confines of marriage. This was an interesting battle of the mind to fight during these first few months. We also learned that those amazing scenes that you see in the movies are not reality. Sex was a new layer added to our relationship and it took time, practice, and patience to get to a place of pleasure. The fun part is that we have the rest of our lives to practice and perfect this art. Another thing that we learned in this area is that you won’t be in the mood all of the time, but that’s OK we just let the other person take the lead during those moments. We know that it is important to not deprive each other sexually because the last thing I need is for someone else to take care of my man here… I got this :-)
7. Money Management- We are still learning this one. We do however have a shared bank account and here is why. We wanted to be on the same page in our marriage with our money. Also having a shared bank account doesn’t allow for either of us to hide what we are spending it’s like a built in accountability system. Second we truly share everything it’s not my money your money it’s our money, and it is going to the things that we discuss as a couple. We are currently going through Financial Peace University with Dave Ramsey and we are learning how to  pay off our student loan debt and build wealth! I am excited to be on this journey together!
8. Stop Being Single Minded- There were many times throughout this year that we both realized that we were married. Like when we needed to check in while being out with friends. One thing that stands out in my mind is when someone stole my debit card information and stole about $1100 from our bank account. I was going around saying why would someone do this to me this is terrible. Then my husband stopped me and said you don’t have to go through this alone this happened to us. Also with this we had to learn to not be selfish. As a single person you can do what you want whenever you feel like it. When you are married out of respect those same rules DO NOT and SHOULD NOT apply. We check in with each other when making decisions because now our actions don’t just affect us individually.
9. Your Spouse is Not a Mind Reader- Although,  there were times that we would see the dishes in the sink and the clothes on the floor, and we think that it’s obvious that help with housework is needed it’s not! Ask for help! This will save you a lot of stress trust me! And do it nicely baby can you load the dishwasher and I’m going to go ahead and start the laundry. It’s really that simple! This all goes back to communication and not making assumptions.  
10. The Questions of When Continue- So remember while you were dating people kept asking you when you were going to get engaged? Then after you got engaged people asked you when is the wedding.... (Well not in our case I don’t think he got off his knees good before I had a date in mind)... Then after the wedding it’s when are you going to have kids so it never ends! The answer to that question for us by the way is no time soon- we are enjoying being Team Medley- just the two of us :-). My advice here is live your life and don’t succumb to the pressure of society to move on to the next thing. Do what works for you and your significant other and your marriage. Some people want to have a baby right away and that’s OK- others want to take their time in bringing a life into this world and that’s OK too! Do what works for the two of you!

I think our big takeaway goes to the saying of communication being the key to a successful marriage. For us thus far that has been a very true statement. Thank you to my handsome and intelligent husband for helping me to write this post! We are excited to share more with you all in upcoming posts!

Our Wedding Day 10-1-2016

The Day I Married My Best Friend